Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
