When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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