I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
