ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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