Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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