She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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