At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
