WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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