I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
