Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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