just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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