He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
