You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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