I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
