I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
