Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Two words: blizzard sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
