fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
