I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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