I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
