I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
