i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
