Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The air was thick with penises
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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