my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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