We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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