I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Enjoy the penises
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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