I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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