Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
