Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
