somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
