so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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