Tell her she can't have a vagina
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just want nice things and good sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
