Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize