Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
