Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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