Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
