Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
