Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
