He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
