I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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