I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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