I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
