Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
