Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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