What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
