Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
