So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
