he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
