Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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