dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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