I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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