Don't you send me to vm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
