Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Shame is for Republicans.
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