The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like eating out sand paper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
