My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
