My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
