If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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