nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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