I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
