My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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