I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
