I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
