babies were throwing up all over the place
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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