You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize