my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
