My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
