she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
