glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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