I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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