Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
