question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
