I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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