She just used a chaser for red wine.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
