I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
