I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
