it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
