Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
