That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
