i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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