I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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