He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize