We're like a lot better than the average bears
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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