were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
