its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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