I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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