I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
