At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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