she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
