I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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