A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
