Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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