He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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