it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize