so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm passing your future prison.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
