I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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