i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
