Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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