Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize